“Pity the living” …but please do not pity me.
Sad, but true.
Life seems so vicious in the most cruel and unexpected ways sometimes. Not even just your life, but when looking at others’ lives, you wonder when your chance will come. And even if one doesn’t believe in destiny or fate or any predetermined matters, a little girl (whether deep down or literally) is wondering when she’s going to get married. Or a father may even wonder when he’ll get to walk his daughter down the aisle. Sadly, out of 4 daughters, my dad’s only walked one.* And girls never think of life that way. Not only are we, as women, racing to fall in love and quick to dream, but perhaps our fathers are wondering when is our time as well?
Ogres Have Layers, Onions Have Layers...People Have Layers
Now as stated in my last post, I’m a big dreamer. I’m always imagining situations that never happen, but I have fun with those goofy little pictures in my mind. This is where my stories and novel ideas originate. But in ways, it’s been the most debilitating quality for me to have. And this is why life is so vicious: I carry on in my mind about people I know, people I’ll meet and people that have something else to say–but meanwhile no one carries on about me in their minds. I hate someone who pities themselves as much as the next guy (or girl), but it’s the honest truth. There’s no reasoning behind it. Just one of those things that just doesn’t happen.
And I watch so many carry on with others that I wonder if I’m cupid. You never hear about cupid having his own love. And you don’t think about it either. Just one of those things that doesn’t happen.
I must constantly remind myself that horoscopes and zodiac signs are somewhat unreal, too. As much as I want to believe, that as a Pisces, I am “sensitive, romantic, creative, dreamy, etc.” Heads up everyone. We, as humans, are sensitive. If you’re a part of American society that watches too much TV and movies, you’re probably romantic too. As far as creativity goes, I mean, some people have it, and some people don’t…there’s a 50/50 chance on that one, most likely. And we all would love to fulfill our very own American Dream. Now, tell me if those traits don’t apply to you. You probably can mold it into your own personality.
These traits are definitely malleable. Does this mean that I don’t occasionally read my own horoscope? Or compare my own zodiac to those friends and family members around me? Of course I do–in fact, I love that stuff–but I think we’re so caught up in ourselves, that we can’t just remember that my 75 year old father is wondering if he’ll make it to my wedding.
*and that relationship didn’t even last.
MY COLLEGE LIFE
In my mind, I often come across myself saying, Life is so cyclicious. I then realize that if I were to say that out loud, no one would have any idea as to what I’m talking about. It’s a word my subconscious phrased together, meaning cycling and vicious at the same time. When my mind gets trapped in these circles I come across so often, it’s almost like a predetermined curse to me. I shuffle through all of the events that led to the terrible happenings to make it all come back and start all over again, and know that I can’t control that. Generally, I don’t get too upset over something that’s out of my hands, but I only get mad when I’m not gaining or learning anything by the end of each path. If nothing is gained, that’s how I know it is a cyclicious event or occurrence in my life.
I watch so many friends go through their loves, and battle with their experiences. But I don’t get that. That’s never happened to me. The only hardship I have dealing with relationships, is the hardship of the lack of relationships in my life. And I’ve heard for so long now, that love comes at the most unexpected moments, when you’re most vulnerable, or when you’re not trying.
I’ve taken both approaches of, trying, and not trying. And I feel it gets me no where. And this is why Life Is So Cyclicious. Because I am a hopeless romantic, and I think I finally know what that means.
Unoriginal & Unfiltered: My Life 