Tag Archives: life

The Post-Grad Life

Hi.

Even as I’ve finished school, the common thread of “the Tobi Thompson school life” still persists. I’m reflecting a lot more than usual lately just because today I watched a lot of my friends attend graduation on their Snapchat stories. But in reality, I reflect on this every. damn. day.

It’s been nearly 5 months since I’ve graduated and I have yet to land a “real” job. So of course, the woes of an entitled millennial start here, right? I’ll admit, I haven’t been applying every day, or hell, every week. And I haven’t heard back from jobs I expected to hear back from. Granted, my expectations really only got so high out of hope, but I feel qualified enough to land an interview. Yet, the places I’ve applied request not to be contacted again.

I even turned down a job because I knew it wasn’t the right fit. I’m scrambling for anything, but at the same time, if you just know, you know. I can’t exactly describe it, other than I would not have been able to fill the job correctly. Nearly everyone harrowed me about it: “It’s a start though and you can’t be picky with your first job,” or “This will lead to other jobs” or “Think about what it will say on your resume.” I had, of course, considered all of those things. After all, that’s why I even bothered applying and going to the interview in the first place. But when I was asked to do something that was not in my area of expertise, nor could be taught this either, I just couldn’t follow through. So I politely declined, and let me tell you that I still do not regret it.

Instead, I’ve gotten promoted at my “non-real” job. The job at the hotel that I’ve had for three years now. So I continue to work in customer service, patiently being every guest’s personal bitch. And it’s not all that bad, but there’s a lot of things that are changing in my life, and I just wish a new job position would line up with everything else that’s changing as well. I feel stuck here, while everything else is up in the air. Let me explain.

I still live at my mom’s because affording living anywhere else in New Jersey alone seems to be…how do I say this? Impossible. And all of my friends in this state are forced to do the same. My mom has been trying to leave Belmar for the last 10 years. Well guess who finally sold her condo? My mom did this without lining up another place to live in (and I don’t blame her). So as of July 1, we have no idea where we’ll be living.

My friends are all landing jobs or graduating or doing great things or have steady schedules. And yet I feel so behind for once. My schedule is all over the place, which has always been fine in the past, but again, I’m ready for that next stage in my life. I’m ready for a 9-5. I’m ready for an adventure.

I have a boyfriend. An actual boyfriend for once. And that in itself is so new to me. I can say that I feel stable when I’m with him, which is comforting, of course. But I also don’t want it to hold me back from moving to New York City or landing a real job. So in that respect, I’m terrified of what’s to eventually come.

I feel busy every day and I don’t seem to have a ton of time to dedicate to applying to places (right now I’m actually at work). And I don’t even know what I’m doing every day. I feel like I’m in a black hole right now and I know it will pass.

Sometimes I remind myself that I only just graduated and that something will come my way and it won’t be so bad. This was, after all, the sage wisdom I had given to my friends (and felt justified in giving since I took that year and a half off from school. This feeling is similar, but I can say that it is not the same) after they graduated. But sometimes I’m like, It’s already five months and it’s gone by so fast. Next thing you’ll know, you’re 25 and everything’s the same.

And while some people relish in continuity and repeated sameness, I just don’t feel happy feeling stuck or no room to grow. It’s probably part of the reason why I travel so much.

And even though I just went to Atlanta last month, and going to Puerto Rico for a wedding in June, I’m already getting an itch to get out of here.

So that post-grad life has a lot and nothing for me all in the same package. Where to next? And when? The eternal post-grad questions.

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One Deep Layer Uncovered:

“Pity the living” …but please do not pity me.

Sad, but true.

Life seems so vicious in the most cruel and unexpected ways sometimes. Not even just your life, but when looking at others’ lives, you wonder when your chance will come. And even if one doesn’t believe in destiny or fate or any predetermined matters, a little girl (whether deep down or literally) is wondering when she’s going to get married. Or a father may even wonder when he’ll get to walk his daughter down the aisle. Sadly, out of 4 daughters, my dad’s only walked one.* And girls never think of life that way. Not only are we, as women, racing to fall in love and quick to dream, but perhaps our fathers are wondering when is our time as well?

Ogres Have Layers, Onions Have Layers...People Have Layers

Now as stated in my last post, I’m a big dreamer. I’m always imagining situations that never happen, but I have fun with those goofy little pictures in my mind. This is where my stories and novel ideas originate. But in ways, it’s been the most debilitating quality for me to have. And this is why life is so vicious: I carry on in my mind about people I know, people I’ll meet and people that have something else to say–but meanwhile no one carries on about me in their minds. I hate someone who pities themselves as much as the next guy (or girl), but it’s the honest truth. There’s no reasoning behind it. Just one of those things that just doesn’t happen.

And I watch so many carry on with others that I wonder if I’m cupid. You never hear about cupid having his own love. And you don’t think about it either. Just one of those things that doesn’t happen.

I must constantly remind myself that horoscopes and zodiac signs are somewhat unreal, too. As much as I want to believe, that as a Pisces, I am “sensitive, romantic, creative, dreamy, etc.” Heads up everyone. We, as humans, are sensitive. If you’re a part of American society that watches too much TV and movies, you’re probably romantic too.  As far as creativity goes, I mean, some people have it, and some people don’t…there’s a 50/50 chance on that one, most likely. And we all would love to fulfill our very own American Dream. Now, tell me if those traits don’t apply to you. You probably can mold it into your own personality.

These traits are definitely malleable. Does this mean that I don’t occasionally read my own horoscope? Or compare my own zodiac to those friends and family members around me? Of course I do–in fact, I love that stuff–but I think we’re so caught up in ourselves, that we can’t just remember that my 75 year old father is wondering if he’ll make it to my wedding.

*and that relationship didn’t even last.

MY COLLEGE LIFE

In my mind, I often come across myself saying, Life is so cyclicious. I then realize that if I were to say that out loud, no one would have any idea as to what I’m talking about. It’s a word my subconscious phrased together, meaning cycling and vicious at the same time. When my mind gets trapped in these circles I come across so often, it’s almost like a predetermined curse to me. I shuffle through all of the events that led to the terrible happenings to make it all come back and start all over again, and know that I can’t control that. Generally, I don’t get too upset over something that’s out of my hands, but I only get mad when I’m not gaining or learning anything by the end of each path. If nothing is gained, that’s how I know it is a cyclicious event or occurrence in my life.

I watch so many friends go through their loves, and battle with their experiences. But I don’t get that. That’s never happened to me. The only hardship I have dealing with relationships, is the hardship of the lack of relationships in my life. And I’ve heard for so long now, that love comes at the most unexpected moments, when you’re most vulnerable, or when you’re not trying.

I’ve taken both approaches of, trying, and not trying. And I feel it gets me no where. And this is why Life Is So Cyclicious. Because I am a hopeless romantic, and I think I finally know what that means.

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