Of course, by “all,” I mean my 2 fans/subscribers/robots…or however you want to interpret my low reader-count.
I know I’ve said this before, but I want to be consistent with my blog posts. I want to write. I want to keep the juices flowing and I want to fill my “unemployed” time by doing something that doesn’t make me feel like a piece of shit. Of course “unemployed” is in quotes because I still have my hotel job. I’m around the 3.5 year mark with this job and while I’ve worked my way up, it’s still “winter” (post-labor day), which means I hardly have to be at work at all. That’s life at the beach: overworked in the summer, and a lack of money and self-esteem in the winter.
This would mean I have a self-esteem in the summer, which is incorrect, but really I just mean I have so much free time now that it leaves me alone with my thoughts and self-loathing about not having a better job and still living at my mom’s.
Of course, the post-grad life entails lots of loan payments, which I’m used to, but without having rent, it makes my life soooo much easier about paying it all off faster. But the self-loathing comes back. Because I live at my mom’s.
So I’m trudging along. I’m applying to places. I’m not hearing back. The low-self-esteem gets lower. But I’m trudging along. I’m crying. I’m trudging along. Next thing I know, my prediction from my last blog post about me being stuck (a huge fear of mine) will actually come true. And I’m only that much closer to being 25 years old. Which I get is still young, but it just takes me further from the path I want to be on.
Anyway, I wasn’t trying to make this post so sad. My point is, I want to write again but I know I get distracted and I know sometimes I don’t want to write especially because looking through my posts reminds me just how “the same” everything still is. So I’ll try to get the juices flowing. But knowing there’s juice, I may just drink it all. #BusterBluth
Ways that I am now Buster Bluth:
- There’s that whole “juice” thing.
- Living at Mother’s. (Thankfully my mom’s name isn’t Lucille)
- Having trouble finding a job for me.
- I have a pet turtle (but I’m better about taking care of mine)
- I’m the youngest sibling
- I’m sensitive
I think I’ll stop trying to find similarities between us…it’s for the best…